I love this so much! Especially the line “I can tell you with sheer honesty that I have only ever regretted not leaving sooner.” I am sorry you gained this skill through such a horrible loss at such a young age, but I believe that the ability to leave situations that don’t serve you is an essential skill for happiness as an adult and one that people don’t talk about enough! Thank you for sharing :)
Thank you for this vulnerable piece, I’m gonna be coming back to it❤️🩹 My father passed away when I was 23 and even though I got to spend 10 more years with him than you did, the aftertaste of the loss seems very similar. Sometimes I’m thinking burning bridges is so easy because deep down I have the feeling that I’ve already been through the worst anyway..nothing bigger I could possibly lose on the horizon. Hopefully it leads us to a calm place one day, lots of love🫂
it's an invasive life lesson indeed, but we have to continue finding beauty in it - there's just no other way ❤️ thank you for sharing Viktorie, sending hugs!
This really resonated. Leaving isn’t selfish, and even if it is, sometimes that’s exactly the point. Women are conditioned to stay, whether it’s in toxic relationships, awful jobs, or friendships that drain us. Walking away takes courage because it goes against everything we’ve been taught about loyalty and obligation. I’ve written about this before: how stepping away from something that no longer fits can be one of the most powerful pivots we make. I’ve walked away from many people and things too, and like you, I’ve never regretted it. If anything, I’ve only ever wished I’d done it sooner.
Truly one of my favorite things I’ve read this year— as someone who’s advice to people is always to leave, to follow the voice in their head that’s curious about something new, I wish I could restack this 3 million times 🤎
you know as someone who has gone through both phases where i would be quick to leave and phases where i would stay way too long, when i look back at it, i can see so clearly that no matter what i was going through, i felt way more satisfied and way more fulfilled when i was leaving as soon as i felt like it
“As in, the more you leave, the less it takes to leave again.” Exactly what I’ve been thinking about lately. Uncertainty is tough, but staying in a situation or a place where you can literally feel yourself withering away is even worse. Thank you so much for voicing everything that I have ever thought about in the face of leaving 🤍
This is so true. Once you leave once you see it isn’t the end of the world and that putting yourself first isn’t a selfish act. I believe we only learn this lesson and how to do it mindfully and kindly rather than carelessly and frivolously when we’ve undergone some kind of trauma. I am sorry for yours, and know that mine brought me to a place that is much happier than staying ever could have done.
Love this- choosing yourself over situations that don’t serve you is a powerful act of love and acceptance. One that, as you said, more women could do more often! I wish I had started leaving sooner, but I’m certainly glad I started.
I am blown away by this piece. So much resonated. You have an incredible gift. I wish I could like this a thousand times. Thank you for sharing this. ❤️
I feel soo seen for all the life i have lived till now, with every word you wrote. I lost my father when i was 19, the first day of my first job. The day I got back to the job, i was twisted, troubled, unknown to myself. And I have found myself through leaving the people, places and jobs, that weren’t just for me anymore.
Sometimes i left one day at a time, another days just one day was enough. I also haven’t stills figured out what to do with the grief and anger, the death left me with.
But i’m almost 25, and i’m in love, and it doesn’t trigger the leaving bone in my body yet, I feel like a child, the child who never really got to be a child in a chaotic house surrounded by screams and loud voices and cries.
One line that have come out of my heart before on paper; but i think you wrote it better. I have also always left when the pain of leaving became easier to manifest than the misery of staying.
I have left and left and left, and i’m still leaving uncomfortable or disrespectful scenarios at the first hint. But for love? I think i have found home, i think it has healed the track star ready to run inside me, at least in this case.
I wish I had had this wisdom and backbone when I was dating my ex husband and the alarm bells were sounding in my mind. Instead I spent 10 years begging to be treated like a human being, chopping off pieces of myself to try and be what he wanted, and becoming someone I didn’t like or recognize.
An old friend always shamed my ability to leave. Terrible jobs, toxic relationships, and friendships where I left feeling like my gas tank was empty. And yet, my life decisions have always led me to better pastures and greener grass, whereas I would hear the same complaints about her terrible job and useless husband. From my knowledge, she is stagnant in both aspects where I am in a happy relationship, a fulfilling job, and going to graduate school. Leaving takes courage that a lot of people do not have.
As an avoidant myself, or at least according to the therapy jargon, I've always felt so alone in my experiences, relationships, and perceptions of the world. I'm so sorry that your proclivity to leave came from a place of loss. This is one of the first times that I've felt so seen.
"I'll grieve in my own way in a world they don't get to witness." I think, and you described it so succinctly, that leaving is often portrayed as something selfish and cruel and malicious, when more often than not it is everything but that. I've left all the relationships I've had so far but the decision to leave came with months of loneliness, nights stayed up crying tears into my pillow, and the unshakeable fear that I've hurt and damaged the people I love forever.
The guilt of leaving is something I've always struggled with. But today after reading this, your words "If you’re going to leave, leave kindly, leave softly, hard things and easy things, leave breathless and trembling, starving or hastily, but never yourself. Leaving yourself is the worst thing one can do," has played a small part in gradually alleviating me from the shame tucked away in the corner of my heart, a shame that has stopped me from loving again.
"I leave because I know I’m dispensable and someone else is sure to occupy the space, today or tomorrow. The world won’t stop turning and my departure is hardly a disaster."
Truly one of the most beautiful and articulate pieces of work that I have read in a long time. The best word describe how I felt: seen. What a way to shine such a beautiful spotlight on the subject of avoidance, when it is so heavily scrutinized and shamed in media today. Thank you, for sharing such a vulnerable piece to the world. much love, 🫶🏼
I love this so much! Especially the line “I can tell you with sheer honesty that I have only ever regretted not leaving sooner.” I am sorry you gained this skill through such a horrible loss at such a young age, but I believe that the ability to leave situations that don’t serve you is an essential skill for happiness as an adult and one that people don’t talk about enough! Thank you for sharing :)
thank you Caroline 💌 too many of us aren't leaving when we should! glad this resonated with you <3
Thank you for this vulnerable piece, I’m gonna be coming back to it❤️🩹 My father passed away when I was 23 and even though I got to spend 10 more years with him than you did, the aftertaste of the loss seems very similar. Sometimes I’m thinking burning bridges is so easy because deep down I have the feeling that I’ve already been through the worst anyway..nothing bigger I could possibly lose on the horizon. Hopefully it leads us to a calm place one day, lots of love🫂
it's an invasive life lesson indeed, but we have to continue finding beauty in it - there's just no other way ❤️ thank you for sharing Viktorie, sending hugs!
This really resonated. Leaving isn’t selfish, and even if it is, sometimes that’s exactly the point. Women are conditioned to stay, whether it’s in toxic relationships, awful jobs, or friendships that drain us. Walking away takes courage because it goes against everything we’ve been taught about loyalty and obligation. I’ve written about this before: how stepping away from something that no longer fits can be one of the most powerful pivots we make. I’ve walked away from many people and things too, and like you, I’ve never regretted it. If anything, I’ve only ever wished I’d done it sooner.
i couldn’t agree more. beautiful words Carmen, thank you 💕
Truly one of my favorite things I’ve read this year— as someone who’s advice to people is always to leave, to follow the voice in their head that’s curious about something new, I wish I could restack this 3 million times 🤎
evie this means so much to me 💗 thank you
you know as someone who has gone through both phases where i would be quick to leave and phases where i would stay way too long, when i look back at it, i can see so clearly that no matter what i was going through, i felt way more satisfied and way more fulfilled when i was leaving as soon as i felt like it
YES!
“As in, the more you leave, the less it takes to leave again.” Exactly what I’ve been thinking about lately. Uncertainty is tough, but staying in a situation or a place where you can literally feel yourself withering away is even worse. Thank you so much for voicing everything that I have ever thought about in the face of leaving 🤍
This is so true. Once you leave once you see it isn’t the end of the world and that putting yourself first isn’t a selfish act. I believe we only learn this lesson and how to do it mindfully and kindly rather than carelessly and frivolously when we’ve undergone some kind of trauma. I am sorry for yours, and know that mine brought me to a place that is much happier than staying ever could have done.
yes! thank you for reading Claire 💕💕
She's been many places with
Men of many faces
First, they're off to the races
And she's laughing drawin' aces
But, none of it is changin'
That the chariot is waitin'
Hearts are hers for the breakin'
There's escape in escaping
favorite ttpd song actually 🥹
Love this- choosing yourself over situations that don’t serve you is a powerful act of love and acceptance. One that, as you said, more women could do more often! I wish I had started leaving sooner, but I’m certainly glad I started.
here’s to more leaving! 🥰
I am blown away by this piece. So much resonated. You have an incredible gift. I wish I could like this a thousand times. Thank you for sharing this. ❤️
thank you so much for reading 🥰
I feel soo seen for all the life i have lived till now, with every word you wrote. I lost my father when i was 19, the first day of my first job. The day I got back to the job, i was twisted, troubled, unknown to myself. And I have found myself through leaving the people, places and jobs, that weren’t just for me anymore.
Sometimes i left one day at a time, another days just one day was enough. I also haven’t stills figured out what to do with the grief and anger, the death left me with.
But i’m almost 25, and i’m in love, and it doesn’t trigger the leaving bone in my body yet, I feel like a child, the child who never really got to be a child in a chaotic house surrounded by screams and loud voices and cries.
One line that have come out of my heart before on paper; but i think you wrote it better. I have also always left when the pain of leaving became easier to manifest than the misery of staying.
I have left and left and left, and i’m still leaving uncomfortable or disrespectful scenarios at the first hint. But for love? I think i have found home, i think it has healed the track star ready to run inside me, at least in this case.
And i hope you do too.
With love 🫶🏻
love your beautiful thoughts! thank you for sharing 🫂
I wish I had had this wisdom and backbone when I was dating my ex husband and the alarm bells were sounding in my mind. Instead I spent 10 years begging to be treated like a human being, chopping off pieces of myself to try and be what he wanted, and becoming someone I didn’t like or recognize.
This was so beautiful to read. Thank you.
i’m so happy you’re in a better place and on a better path now – sending love 🤍
Thank you, me too. 🩵
An old friend always shamed my ability to leave. Terrible jobs, toxic relationships, and friendships where I left feeling like my gas tank was empty. And yet, my life decisions have always led me to better pastures and greener grass, whereas I would hear the same complaints about her terrible job and useless husband. From my knowledge, she is stagnant in both aspects where I am in a happy relationship, a fulfilling job, and going to graduate school. Leaving takes courage that a lot of people do not have.
As an avoidant myself, or at least according to the therapy jargon, I've always felt so alone in my experiences, relationships, and perceptions of the world. I'm so sorry that your proclivity to leave came from a place of loss. This is one of the first times that I've felt so seen.
"I'll grieve in my own way in a world they don't get to witness." I think, and you described it so succinctly, that leaving is often portrayed as something selfish and cruel and malicious, when more often than not it is everything but that. I've left all the relationships I've had so far but the decision to leave came with months of loneliness, nights stayed up crying tears into my pillow, and the unshakeable fear that I've hurt and damaged the people I love forever.
The guilt of leaving is something I've always struggled with. But today after reading this, your words "If you’re going to leave, leave kindly, leave softly, hard things and easy things, leave breathless and trembling, starving or hastily, but never yourself. Leaving yourself is the worst thing one can do," has played a small part in gradually alleviating me from the shame tucked away in the corner of my heart, a shame that has stopped me from loving again.
"I leave because I know I’m dispensable and someone else is sure to occupy the space, today or tomorrow. The world won’t stop turning and my departure is hardly a disaster."
Thank you <3
thank YOU ❤️ definitely not alone! sending hugs 🫂
going to be thinking about this for an extremely long time. thank you thank you thank you
love you angel queen thank you
Truly one of the most beautiful and articulate pieces of work that I have read in a long time. The best word describe how I felt: seen. What a way to shine such a beautiful spotlight on the subject of avoidance, when it is so heavily scrutinized and shamed in media today. Thank you, for sharing such a vulnerable piece to the world. much love, 🫶🏼
Rachael you’re so sweet, thank you 💕 warms my heart