I needed someone to speak of how it is for kids with low income salary parents once we become independent, the feeling of dread every time you make a purchase knowing very well that you need it, but fearing the possibility that maybe tomorrow your boss will for some reason fire you, or maybe your rent will go up in half a year, and you would have to leave all behind to go back to your parent's because they can simply not help you financially with your shared flat. I hadn't seen anyone write or talk about this so eloquently and openly online, maybe, ever? So thank you, specially knowing your exact struggle as someone living in Valencia, it is hard feeling like you will make it. Lots of love!
i feel this so much. i grew up in a town where i was the only one of my friends who lived in an apartment, not a house. even though we were never poverty-line poor, there was a stark difference between my family and my friends’. i am a first-generation american; my parents moved to the US with only $2,000 when i was 3. ever since i was little, writing has been my passion, but i never considered it a career possibility due to financial restraints. i was bitter; i gave up my dreams.
but then i think: even though i never took vacations, never went to disney, or had expensive clothes, isn’t what i did have—a roof over my head and food to eat—considered wealth to a large percentage of the world?
i am constantly stuck between trying to feel grateful for the privileges i did inherit and resentful for the ones i didn’t.
after 6 years of trying to make it work in corporate america, i realized that a life without art would kill me. now, i am finally trying to find time to write on the side while still pursuing my 40-hour-a-week “career.”
but at the end of the day, i am choosing to believe that i, too, have generational wealth. eyes to see, hands to write with, dreams that fuel me. this is the wealth that propels me to write now.
I’ve unfollowed SO many people because they came so out of touch- I don’t mind someone being unrelatable to me, but I hate when they don’t realise that going to giftings and recording ootd tiktoks isn’t a normal job. forever grateful to be in a better position than my family have been before me, and better than my younger self (from moving to a city with opportunities), but there’s a genuine embarrassing/hurt feeling that arrives sometimes when I see people who have money that gives them the ability to relax- like in the out of my stomach I *want* that, and I feel guilty and superficial for wanting it. would just love to not worry about affording the dentist tbh!! thank you for writing as always <3
I feel this so much <3 I'm 33 now and I have never had less disposable income. In my early 20's the economy here was booming, I was able to live on my own and afford long-term travel around the world by waitressing and saving my tips (i come from a poor family). Now doing the same things gets me nowhere because the cost of living has quadrupled but wages haven't really budged. I feel for the generation younger than me, like the Gen Z's who never got to experience what I had a glimpse of 12 years ago. It's all toooo much!!
I've definitely fallen into the trap thinking I should be able to justify buying an overpriced clothing item because an influencer who swears they're middle class like me can afford it. And then I realize they've either been gifted it or have a bunch of credit from referrals to afford it.
The mismatch in financial literacy is appalling at the moment - with a harder and harder struggle to get into a position of security. I know I will be a lifetime renter - that was never even a question for me and while I don’t consider myself wholly material, there are definitely elements of my life that are superficially lead and there is definitely an influence from social media fallout in that. These are funny times we are living in - where kids cannot hope to have a better financial outlook than the previous generation which has never happened before 💜♾️
Hello, Valerie! First of all, loved this read so much. I read it a few days ago and I kept thinking how to put my thoughts into words for this comment. I am 34 years old, me and my husband come from quite underprivileged families. We had the bare minimum but always were fed and clothed - although now when I buy a new winter jacket from a good nordic brand for my daughter - it really triggers my memories of always being cold in the winter. My classmates had the newest nike and adidas winter jacket while mine was from a cheap store and let me tell you - walks from the bus stop to home were freezing cold. So I could say that life is easier for me now - my teenage sweetheart who is now my husband was able to thrive in sports world and became a professional athlete which has given us a lot of things in life we would not have or could not do otherwise. But I am still confused about the world in social apps and outside of it. I could not figure out how all these people travel all time, I know how much it costs (not talking about successful travel influencers). How everyone has chanel, hermes, loewe - you name it. Beautiful, modern apartments. Are we doing something wrong? We pay for all that is needed, take care of closest ones, invest in kids education but I don’t see how I can now buy this beautiful sweater from Aylin Koenig worth 400 euros simply because I don’t know if I will be able to develop my own source of income or how my husbands career will develop after he leaves athletic world🥹 I’m not really sure what I want to express here.. i guess I want to say that not all people who has more money are like thos Bali travelers. We are here. Earning, overthinking each purchase, worrying about future, still trying to figure out how to survive in this world because it literally doesn’t get any cheaper to be in. Mentaly supporting our single friends - because it is almost impossible to stand on two legs if you don’t have someone to share all the living costs with (at least where I live).
thank you leva 🤍🫂 appreciate your insight and your kind words – very true that having achieved a comfortable life still doesn’t magically absolve of all the past discomfort and the overthinking
Your essay wasn't depressing, our situations are! Please don't take credit for my financial difficulties, i got them all by myself and it was certainly not thanks to my parents >:
More seriously, thank you for putting words on those feelings! I so wish i didn't have to be in tech either, but that's the only way i'll ever get to own a condo. I've been wanting to be a writer for a long time, but how could i ever do that when i was working 3 jobs to afford university? People don't realize how much freedom comes from that financial security, and i'm just starting to see for myself how much it helps.
On another note, i'm struggling with identity rn. I've always been poorer and my family was on the verge of struggling if anything happened, so it's mindblowing to now be in the top 10% earners. I hope i can adapt, but also and mostly not become one of those clueless rich people we all hate!
Sorry if that was oversharing, it brought lots of feelings to the surface and i wanted to let you know how much it touched me!
ooof thanks for that final paragraph, been feeling v depressed abt my writing career n blaming myself for not being like the other nyc girlies w rich parents
This was an amazing read with so much truth. I think a lot of people lie about their wealth on social media - like you said, there's a lot of credit card debt or influencers returning the clothes they buy just to take photos in. My husband always says the greatest social divide isn't race/ethnicity, gender, or sexuality - it's wealth.
So relatable. I can’t say I’m broke, but I definitely need to watch my expenses and my lifestyle. If I were rich enough to stay at home and read all day, that would be my dream life.
I’ve also learnt by experience that the people who whine and lament their misfortunes the most, are also richer or more resourceful than you.
Last week on an essay that was basically a tantrum about being rich, a commenter talked about how she’d “somehow” gone to school with the top 1% in her country but “didn’t come from that background” herself. She was patting herself on the back for not being jealous of her classmates who were so much richer than her.
I looked at this person’s (public) instagram. There was, among others, a photo of her as a child in what looked like a magazine article about her dad’s Jaguar collection.
🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️
I have a decently paying job because I put myself through school with crippling student loans and working part-time throughout my full-time studies. It was an intense program and I got super burnt out; most of my classmates didn’t have to work. I have a job in a field that I’m good at, but I don’t love, because my true loves are fashion and writing. But I chose to pursue STEM because it was more sensible and I knew the most important thing was just to have a job that would always pay the bills.
I remember living in a basement apartment that became full of mold one particularly hot, humid summer (no AC, obviously) and a bunch of my stuff was ruined. That same summer I had weeks where I would have $10 to spend on food, and lived on a loaf of bread and a jar of peanut butter. I walked two hours a day because it was cheaper than taking the subway. And I was still privileged compared to a lot of people, because I had a job and a roof over my head and clean clothes.
I’m 40 now and just finally starting to feel financially stable, and I’ve been working full-time for 13 years.
valerie i needed this like i need air to breathe. this is such an important topic and i've been feeling this pushing down on me recently. love u always
Eloquent and real! Don’t know what to congratulate you on, being able to write like this, or having seen, thought and written this piece the way you have.
Being able to see the society like this and reflect on it doesn’t come easy. Congratulations on writing this piece with the aplomb that you have!
I needed someone to speak of how it is for kids with low income salary parents once we become independent, the feeling of dread every time you make a purchase knowing very well that you need it, but fearing the possibility that maybe tomorrow your boss will for some reason fire you, or maybe your rent will go up in half a year, and you would have to leave all behind to go back to your parent's because they can simply not help you financially with your shared flat. I hadn't seen anyone write or talk about this so eloquently and openly online, maybe, ever? So thank you, specially knowing your exact struggle as someone living in Valencia, it is hard feeling like you will make it. Lots of love!
i feel this so much. i grew up in a town where i was the only one of my friends who lived in an apartment, not a house. even though we were never poverty-line poor, there was a stark difference between my family and my friends’. i am a first-generation american; my parents moved to the US with only $2,000 when i was 3. ever since i was little, writing has been my passion, but i never considered it a career possibility due to financial restraints. i was bitter; i gave up my dreams.
but then i think: even though i never took vacations, never went to disney, or had expensive clothes, isn’t what i did have—a roof over my head and food to eat—considered wealth to a large percentage of the world?
i am constantly stuck between trying to feel grateful for the privileges i did inherit and resentful for the ones i didn’t.
after 6 years of trying to make it work in corporate america, i realized that a life without art would kill me. now, i am finally trying to find time to write on the side while still pursuing my 40-hour-a-week “career.”
but at the end of the day, i am choosing to believe that i, too, have generational wealth. eyes to see, hands to write with, dreams that fuel me. this is the wealth that propels me to write now.
I’ve unfollowed SO many people because they came so out of touch- I don’t mind someone being unrelatable to me, but I hate when they don’t realise that going to giftings and recording ootd tiktoks isn’t a normal job. forever grateful to be in a better position than my family have been before me, and better than my younger self (from moving to a city with opportunities), but there’s a genuine embarrassing/hurt feeling that arrives sometimes when I see people who have money that gives them the ability to relax- like in the out of my stomach I *want* that, and I feel guilty and superficial for wanting it. would just love to not worry about affording the dentist tbh!! thank you for writing as always <3
I feel this so much <3 I'm 33 now and I have never had less disposable income. In my early 20's the economy here was booming, I was able to live on my own and afford long-term travel around the world by waitressing and saving my tips (i come from a poor family). Now doing the same things gets me nowhere because the cost of living has quadrupled but wages haven't really budged. I feel for the generation younger than me, like the Gen Z's who never got to experience what I had a glimpse of 12 years ago. It's all toooo much!!
I've definitely fallen into the trap thinking I should be able to justify buying an overpriced clothing item because an influencer who swears they're middle class like me can afford it. And then I realize they've either been gifted it or have a bunch of credit from referrals to afford it.
!
The mismatch in financial literacy is appalling at the moment - with a harder and harder struggle to get into a position of security. I know I will be a lifetime renter - that was never even a question for me and while I don’t consider myself wholly material, there are definitely elements of my life that are superficially lead and there is definitely an influence from social media fallout in that. These are funny times we are living in - where kids cannot hope to have a better financial outlook than the previous generation which has never happened before 💜♾️
Hello, Valerie! First of all, loved this read so much. I read it a few days ago and I kept thinking how to put my thoughts into words for this comment. I am 34 years old, me and my husband come from quite underprivileged families. We had the bare minimum but always were fed and clothed - although now when I buy a new winter jacket from a good nordic brand for my daughter - it really triggers my memories of always being cold in the winter. My classmates had the newest nike and adidas winter jacket while mine was from a cheap store and let me tell you - walks from the bus stop to home were freezing cold. So I could say that life is easier for me now - my teenage sweetheart who is now my husband was able to thrive in sports world and became a professional athlete which has given us a lot of things in life we would not have or could not do otherwise. But I am still confused about the world in social apps and outside of it. I could not figure out how all these people travel all time, I know how much it costs (not talking about successful travel influencers). How everyone has chanel, hermes, loewe - you name it. Beautiful, modern apartments. Are we doing something wrong? We pay for all that is needed, take care of closest ones, invest in kids education but I don’t see how I can now buy this beautiful sweater from Aylin Koenig worth 400 euros simply because I don’t know if I will be able to develop my own source of income or how my husbands career will develop after he leaves athletic world🥹 I’m not really sure what I want to express here.. i guess I want to say that not all people who has more money are like thos Bali travelers. We are here. Earning, overthinking each purchase, worrying about future, still trying to figure out how to survive in this world because it literally doesn’t get any cheaper to be in. Mentaly supporting our single friends - because it is almost impossible to stand on two legs if you don’t have someone to share all the living costs with (at least where I live).
With love,
Ieva.
thank you leva 🤍🫂 appreciate your insight and your kind words – very true that having achieved a comfortable life still doesn’t magically absolve of all the past discomfort and the overthinking
Your essay wasn't depressing, our situations are! Please don't take credit for my financial difficulties, i got them all by myself and it was certainly not thanks to my parents >:
More seriously, thank you for putting words on those feelings! I so wish i didn't have to be in tech either, but that's the only way i'll ever get to own a condo. I've been wanting to be a writer for a long time, but how could i ever do that when i was working 3 jobs to afford university? People don't realize how much freedom comes from that financial security, and i'm just starting to see for myself how much it helps.
On another note, i'm struggling with identity rn. I've always been poorer and my family was on the verge of struggling if anything happened, so it's mindblowing to now be in the top 10% earners. I hope i can adapt, but also and mostly not become one of those clueless rich people we all hate!
Sorry if that was oversharing, it brought lots of feelings to the surface and i wanted to let you know how much it touched me!
ooof thanks for that final paragraph, been feeling v depressed abt my writing career n blaming myself for not being like the other nyc girlies w rich parents
same here same here 🤍 i’m glad it resonated thank you so much
This was an amazing read with so much truth. I think a lot of people lie about their wealth on social media - like you said, there's a lot of credit card debt or influencers returning the clothes they buy just to take photos in. My husband always says the greatest social divide isn't race/ethnicity, gender, or sexuality - it's wealth.
absolutely! so much nuance we’ll never see. maybe it’s for the better..
So relatable. I can’t say I’m broke, but I definitely need to watch my expenses and my lifestyle. If I were rich enough to stay at home and read all day, that would be my dream life.
I’ve also learnt by experience that the people who whine and lament their misfortunes the most, are also richer or more resourceful than you.
Last week on an essay that was basically a tantrum about being rich, a commenter talked about how she’d “somehow” gone to school with the top 1% in her country but “didn’t come from that background” herself. She was patting herself on the back for not being jealous of her classmates who were so much richer than her.
I looked at this person’s (public) instagram. There was, among others, a photo of her as a child in what looked like a magazine article about her dad’s Jaguar collection.
🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️
I have a decently paying job because I put myself through school with crippling student loans and working part-time throughout my full-time studies. It was an intense program and I got super burnt out; most of my classmates didn’t have to work. I have a job in a field that I’m good at, but I don’t love, because my true loves are fashion and writing. But I chose to pursue STEM because it was more sensible and I knew the most important thing was just to have a job that would always pay the bills.
I remember living in a basement apartment that became full of mold one particularly hot, humid summer (no AC, obviously) and a bunch of my stuff was ruined. That same summer I had weeks where I would have $10 to spend on food, and lived on a loaf of bread and a jar of peanut butter. I walked two hours a day because it was cheaper than taking the subway. And I was still privileged compared to a lot of people, because I had a job and a roof over my head and clean clothes.
I’m 40 now and just finally starting to feel financially stable, and I’ve been working full-time for 13 years.
gosh this kind of essay is one of the reasons i love substack 🤎
thank you 🤍🤍
valerie i needed this like i need air to breathe. this is such an important topic and i've been feeling this pushing down on me recently. love u always
Is there is a way to show a slow clap here! 👏
Eloquent and real! Don’t know what to congratulate you on, being able to write like this, or having seen, thought and written this piece the way you have.
Being able to see the society like this and reflect on it doesn’t come easy. Congratulations on writing this piece with the aplomb that you have!
It was such a pleasure to read.
no because why is this the realest thing i've read on this platform