I totally get this. It feels like the concept of healing is becoming another way productivity culture seeps into our emotional world.
You reminded me of the recent Maybe Baby: “I think introspection can become somewhat of a trap,” they write, “a system by which you control yourself so that you do not disturb the peace of the world outside of you.” Therapy as an end rather than a means. ( https://haleynahman.substack.com/p/180-against-self-analysis )
Having things like therapy as an end instead of a perpetually ongoing activity makes more sense to me. I recently parted ways with my therapist after 4 years (and a lot of actual ~healing~), and feel so free of the burden to find things wrong with my life every week just so I'm not wasting money on the sessions.
Love your writing, as always. You always put my thoughts into coherent essays that hit just right!
I love all of your pieces and the way you’re able to transcribe such complex concepts into easy to read essays! I relate to this in many ways, because I am too overwhelmed by the amount of Better Help ads I see in the content I consume. However, to give you another perspective, I live in a place where healthcare is more readily available meaning therapy is consequently more accessible/affordable. I don’t discredit the fact that the “healing journey” is being commercialized — like many other things in modern society, but I also see this as availability. For those that do want and/or need to improve their mental health, there are more resources and tools available to do so!
Amanda, that's amazing - therapy, I believe, should always be accessible to those in need. I myself have learned a lot in therapy. I personally believe that it's good to approach it in combination with other tools and a good support system outside of therapy (if that's a possibility) <3
I love this look! Maybe it's because more people are learning about how therapy can help or that it's a tool that they haven't used yet. Either way, I hope it helps the people it's supposed to help and passes by the people it doesn't. Great opinion!
This piece was so eye-opening, I love how you address the self-optimization issue and how this has become almost a pandemic in itself. It's so refreshing to read these reminders that life shouldn't be taken so seriously and that at the end of the day we're here to enjoy, suffer, laugh, cry, dance and just feeling however the fuck we want without having to give it a name!
I’ve been wary of self-optimization culture for a while so I really enjoyed this post. You really managed to put these complex feelings about this aspect of the wellness industrial complex into well-chosen words.
consider me a member of club reticent because this essay was incredible! It reminded me of Jia Tolentino's essay "Always Be Optimizing" in her book Trick Mirror.
Seeing "idk what i'm supposed to be healing from" made me giggle, so I clicked. Something I walked into expecting laughs and a good read, gave me all of that + a feeling a relatability.
I think that I am a state of healing. I am working on things that I don't love and things that I know I need to change but then I go on Tie Tok or Instagram and see things that I think (??) I need to heal from.
I too am tired of being told what I need to heal from, it's better when I figure it out myself.
Right! At this point, I just go on with life with my "unhealed self." With my burdens. It's like a chronic disease I sometimes forget I have, until some self-help guru pops out of my for-you page to remind me I have "stuff to work on."
I loved this! I'm an extremely traumatized person, so much that I started doing therapy as a 8-year-old, before therapy was a thing. therapy & medication saved my life, but tbh I don't like self-help books. usually they always imply that you are the problem and I think that's super aggressive. all this therapeutic terms help me sometimes, but I have to admit it's overwhelming. I was going to therapy for 10+ years but decided to take a break, it's a lot. sometimes talking about the trauma only makes it worse, sometimes you just want to forget your past and focus on the future instead of being constantly reminded of your pain. and I 100% agree with you, this trend of psychoanalyzing EVERYTHING we feel is super annoying. being sad is normal. being sad 100% of the time is not. crying is normal and healthy! when I was depressed, I couldn't cry, it was the worst. crying is a good thing, is a way to express yourself, like laughing is also a way to express yourself. I have BPD, so I'll always need to work on myself, take meds etc., but it's concerning how ''normal'' people are acting around this therapeutic and self-help things, no one needs to do all that. and yes, society is to blame. especially if you're a woman... our lives are so hard. anyway, thanks for writing this! made me think a lot.
I loved this!!!! It feels like these psychological explanations have become buzzwords to a range of experiences rather than highlight the very issues it was meant to. Whilst there’s value in being able to name a feeling or where we lack, it never felt right to me that everything we experience and interact with has become a fixed manifestation of “trauma” or some other major concept because it sort of takes away people’s confidence in knowing themselves? Anyways, I loved how you articulated this disconnect between human experience and the marketable nature of “self help” and awareness, linked to neoliberalism.
I’m so glad I found this and subsequently refound it again when substack returned me to home in the middle of reading it. I’ve subscribed and already sent this to friends! Such excellent writing and a truly thoughtful take on the culture of overtherapizing - in person and online. I’ve been an avid consumer of self help books, podcasts and media for years and it wasn’t until recently I realized that doing all this self help work was actually not helping and truly just STRESSING ME OUT more. Life is messy and sometimes painful. Sometimes incredible. And those can both exist in one life and in one day and even in one moment.
I totally get this. It feels like the concept of healing is becoming another way productivity culture seeps into our emotional world.
You reminded me of the recent Maybe Baby: “I think introspection can become somewhat of a trap,” they write, “a system by which you control yourself so that you do not disturb the peace of the world outside of you.” Therapy as an end rather than a means. ( https://haleynahman.substack.com/p/180-against-self-analysis )
Having things like therapy as an end instead of a perpetually ongoing activity makes more sense to me. I recently parted ways with my therapist after 4 years (and a lot of actual ~healing~), and feel so free of the burden to find things wrong with my life every week just so I'm not wasting money on the sessions.
Love your writing, as always. You always put my thoughts into coherent essays that hit just right!
Madeleine, thank you! I'm excited to dive into the Maybe Baby post <33
I love all of your pieces and the way you’re able to transcribe such complex concepts into easy to read essays! I relate to this in many ways, because I am too overwhelmed by the amount of Better Help ads I see in the content I consume. However, to give you another perspective, I live in a place where healthcare is more readily available meaning therapy is consequently more accessible/affordable. I don’t discredit the fact that the “healing journey” is being commercialized — like many other things in modern society, but I also see this as availability. For those that do want and/or need to improve their mental health, there are more resources and tools available to do so!
Amanda, that's amazing - therapy, I believe, should always be accessible to those in need. I myself have learned a lot in therapy. I personally believe that it's good to approach it in combination with other tools and a good support system outside of therapy (if that's a possibility) <3
I love this look! Maybe it's because more people are learning about how therapy can help or that it's a tool that they haven't used yet. Either way, I hope it helps the people it's supposed to help and passes by the people it doesn't. Great opinion!
The way you write is simply BEAUTIFUL.
This piece was so eye-opening, I love how you address the self-optimization issue and how this has become almost a pandemic in itself. It's so refreshing to read these reminders that life shouldn't be taken so seriously and that at the end of the day we're here to enjoy, suffer, laugh, cry, dance and just feeling however the fuck we want without having to give it a name!
thank you! ❤️ couldn’t agree more – life is for joy & for writing on substack, of course
I’ve been wary of self-optimization culture for a while so I really enjoyed this post. You really managed to put these complex feelings about this aspect of the wellness industrial complex into well-chosen words.
Thank you Lili - honestly, we're all better off in most cases. It's great that you recognize it when you see it <3
This has helped me immensely, I honestly didn’t want it to end. Thank you for writing this 🩷
Reet! I'm so glad it resonated. Thank you ❤️
Loved this so much. Thank you. So resonant and important. What is “healing” anyway?? It’s such a great question and thanks for writing this.
consider me a member of club reticent because this essay was incredible! It reminded me of Jia Tolentino's essay "Always Be Optimizing" in her book Trick Mirror.
welcome to the club rachel!! ❤️ and thank you!
reminds me of this article: https://kirstenpowers.substack.com/p/we-dont-need-self-help-we-need-support
I only did therapy once and should probably try again (lol) but this is very spot on.
going to read this tonight - thank you ☺️
Seeing "idk what i'm supposed to be healing from" made me giggle, so I clicked. Something I walked into expecting laughs and a good read, gave me all of that + a feeling a relatability.
I think that I am a state of healing. I am working on things that I don't love and things that I know I need to change but then I go on Tie Tok or Instagram and see things that I think (??) I need to heal from.
I too am tired of being told what I need to heal from, it's better when I figure it out myself.
Great read!
Right! At this point, I just go on with life with my "unhealed self." With my burdens. It's like a chronic disease I sometimes forget I have, until some self-help guru pops out of my for-you page to remind me I have "stuff to work on."
I loved this! I'm an extremely traumatized person, so much that I started doing therapy as a 8-year-old, before therapy was a thing. therapy & medication saved my life, but tbh I don't like self-help books. usually they always imply that you are the problem and I think that's super aggressive. all this therapeutic terms help me sometimes, but I have to admit it's overwhelming. I was going to therapy for 10+ years but decided to take a break, it's a lot. sometimes talking about the trauma only makes it worse, sometimes you just want to forget your past and focus on the future instead of being constantly reminded of your pain. and I 100% agree with you, this trend of psychoanalyzing EVERYTHING we feel is super annoying. being sad is normal. being sad 100% of the time is not. crying is normal and healthy! when I was depressed, I couldn't cry, it was the worst. crying is a good thing, is a way to express yourself, like laughing is also a way to express yourself. I have BPD, so I'll always need to work on myself, take meds etc., but it's concerning how ''normal'' people are acting around this therapeutic and self-help things, no one needs to do all that. and yes, society is to blame. especially if you're a woman... our lives are so hard. anyway, thanks for writing this! made me think a lot.
Healing prayer:
https://soberchristiangentlemanpodcast.substack.com/p/healing-prayer-for-a-friend
I loved this!!!! It feels like these psychological explanations have become buzzwords to a range of experiences rather than highlight the very issues it was meant to. Whilst there’s value in being able to name a feeling or where we lack, it never felt right to me that everything we experience and interact with has become a fixed manifestation of “trauma” or some other major concept because it sort of takes away people’s confidence in knowing themselves? Anyways, I loved how you articulated this disconnect between human experience and the marketable nature of “self help” and awareness, linked to neoliberalism.
This was such a refreshing read and take to mental health “healing” culture.
you're too good and i truly absolutely love everything you write
I’m so glad I found this and subsequently refound it again when substack returned me to home in the middle of reading it. I’ve subscribed and already sent this to friends! Such excellent writing and a truly thoughtful take on the culture of overtherapizing - in person and online. I’ve been an avid consumer of self help books, podcasts and media for years and it wasn’t until recently I realized that doing all this self help work was actually not helping and truly just STRESSING ME OUT more. Life is messy and sometimes painful. Sometimes incredible. And those can both exist in one life and in one day and even in one moment.