an interview with Raffaella
on vulnerability, reproductive rights, microquitting, and why leaving New York can make you a better artist
I love music more than anything in the world, and I couldn’t be more excited to introduce you to club reticent’s first official interview guest. Raffaella, a NYC-raised singer/songwriter, is a powerhouse – her writing is striking, her songs are upbeat, her lyrics are poignant. To me, what sets Raffaella apart is she makes any uncomfortable thought sound hot and whimsical. She explores the female experience like no one else does, never hesitant to get real about everything she feels. Depicting life’s ups and downs through thinly veiled irony, Raffaella’s music touches on womanhood: from abortion rights to people-pleasing and the absurdity of growing up. Throw a poppy beat on top, and now you’ve got a soundtrack that makes being a woman not as terrifying. You may be crying, but you’re dancing, too. I caught Raffaella in between tour dates for a cozy interview, and we talked everything artistry, microquitting, and setting boundaries. Keep reading.
CR: How has the tour experience been so far? What’s the best part of it?
Raffaella: It’s been incredible. My favorite part is hearing everybody at the show sing my songs back to me – so much community. Writing music can be a pretty lonely experience because the whole point of music is to share it and help other people feel their feelings, so it's hard to know that that's happening unless you're playing live shows. Getting that validation is a really cool part of touring and singing live.
CR: You’ve just dropped Act II of your album LIVE, RAFF, LOVE. How is it different from Act I? Do you feel you’ve grown as an artist?
Raffaella: I feel like I've grown a lot, and in a way, it's kind of surprising because I wrote a lot of these songs even before Act I. So it's been a while, but I suppose I wasn’t ready to release some of these songs until now. Every track on Act II is kind of a foil, a shadow to the corresponding Act I track. Just like shadows, they're slightly bigger and darker. “GROWN UP” contrasts with “Polly Pocket”, both exploring what it's like being a woman in society. It got more specific and real, despite being poppy and fun. “BUICK” and “Fcking Smiling” both deal with avoidance and delusion, but the latter is more heartbreaking about someone very dear to me. "come to nyc, pls" mirrors "Gush," all about the weight of love and revisiting all your trauma around trust and commitment. Act II adds depth, standing on its own while casting a shadow from Act I.
CR: You have a special way of writing that encapsulates the insanity of existing and navigating life as a woman. I want to talk about Polly Pocket in particular – a track about birth control, which is rare in pop music. The lyrics are both fun and scary at the same time – you refer to your IUD as a best friend. How was the track born? Is it a reactionary song to Roe v. Wade?
Raffaella: We wrote it before Roe v. Wade was overturned. Initially, it was meant to be a peach fuzz song (CR note: Raffaella’s side band with musicians Samia, Ryann, and Hank), but after we wrote it they all said “I feel like this is for you”. I wrote my thesis on reproductive rights through the lens of Simone de Beauvoir, so I had a lot of ideas for how to build a world around it. The song wasn't necessarily intentional, but then it became topical, unfortunately, and important to talk about. As for the IUD, well, yeah — it's crazy to think that this thing inside of me is the only thing keeping my independence and my freedom intact, protecting me from losing the life that I know right now. Becoming a mother is a beautiful thing when the time is right, but there are people out there who want to criminalize birth control, and the fact that it's possible in any way is scary enough. So yeah, I thought it was important to talk about things that otherwise may be scary and sad or taboo.
CR: Do you intentionally write about unpleasant experiences? Or is that something that unfolds naturally?
Raffaella: I think it just naturally unfolds. The thing about unpleasant experiences is that you can see them as opportunities for growth. I see it as exploiting adversity so that it works in my favor: it’s the same as using humor as a defense mechanism, but a bit more thought out. I also believe that the best songs are paradoxical – two opposing forces working at the same time. If there's a heavier, self-deprecating lyric on top of a really uplifting fun beat, it creates a really interesting tension that has both light and a shadow. It's reflective of these two things that are required for this entity to be alive. If I’m afraid of being sincere in a sad song, the happy sound gives me a cushion; sort of an armor that's not necessarily reflective, but it's more about creating a world within the song.
CR: Man Of Your Dreams ft Samia. What a song, I love it so much. I’m also a huge fan of Samia. How was that one born? How does your joint creative process happen?
Raffaella: Writing with Samia is one of my favorite things to do, everywhere, all the time. She's just such a genius. I think it helps a lot that we're such good friends: we can both be honest with one another. As for the song, Jake (CR note: Jake Luppen – musician, Hippo Campus frontman, producer, Raffaella’s partner) had started the chorus for that one. He had started the chorus, “you can get it for free… i’m the man of your dreams…” and we ended up keeping most of what he wrote and turned it into more of a manic-pixie girl anthem. We realized that the ultimate Manic Pixie Dream Girl is just… a dude.
The ultimate Manic Pixie Dream Girl is just… a dude.
CR: Is it easy working with Jake?
Raffaella: It is. Working with Jake is like working with myself in a lot of ways. He knows me so well that he can practically read my mind when we’re recording. Sometimes he'll even stop me mid-song, saying "Sounds like you’re running out of breath," which is exactly what I would say to myself. It's a bit unnerving how well he can read me, but when things work – it’s amazing. Jake's talent lies in really getting to know the artists he works with, ensuring that the music reflects who they are. That's why every project he touches sounds completely different, because it's tailored to the person behind it. Working with him has taught me the importance of taking your time and being patient, making sure every aspect of the music is as honest as possible because it's going to be out there forever, and you're going to change too. So, might as well do a great job capturing this chapter of your life. Working with Jake is awesome.
CR: How hard is it to be a woman in the music industry?
Raffaella: It's a really challenging industry, and sometimes it makes you want to quit. My friend has come up with the term microquitting. It starts with spiraling, sort of like… I’m tired. I want income, stability, consistency. I'm sick of sitting and waiting, or working all day on a song and then listening back to it and feeling like it's shit. Microquitting has helped a lot. Something I've learned is that you can just decide that you quit, but you’ll never actually quit. The catharsis in that moment of deciding isn't enough – so you prove to yourself that eventually you'll come back.
CR: That’s amazing. I’m going to use that term myself starting now. Any other artistic challenges?
Raffaella: The toughest part about growing as an artist and building a project is making sure the people you're surrounded by, creatively and from a business perspective, are the right people. I went through a few managers, and while I genuinely liked them as people, things just didn't click. I'd end up in tears after calls, with them pushing this idea that I had to go viral on TikTok before releasing any music. I was even asked once how I’m ‘planning to commercialize my sex appeal’, which threw me off because that's not how I look at a career in music. Eventually, I had to let them go — and hit a real low after that, thinking I didn't have a future in music. But a few months later I found new managers, and they’re amazing. They get what I'm about, value artistic integrity, and believe in growing authentically. It's refreshing, you know? Also, leaving New York for Minnesota taught me a lot about building a community and adapting to new surroundings.
CR: That situation must’ve taught you to start setting boundaries and forced you to advocate for yourself. What are those boundaries now?
Raffaella: Yeah, I tend to forget that I'm not working for my managers, and it's not just in business, but even with my friends. I become socially anxious, always trying to keep everyone happy. It's draining, really exhausting. But I'm working on it, trying to move away from being a people pleaser. Making grand promises like "I can pay for everything" or trying to be the "man of your dreams," just to avoid conflict. But I'm realizing in my career, I need to set boundaries and speak up for what I want and don't want. My new managers are great at this. They asked me straight up, "What are your goals? What do you stand for?" It was eye-opening, something I never really thought about before. Through the whole process, I've learned a lot about what works for me and what doesn't.
CR: That's awesome to hear. As women, we're almost pre-conditioned to put up with so much shit. And we don't even notice we're putting up with something when we’re in it.
Raffaella: Yes. Conviction is really important to have in this industry. Also, having Jake is so great – he’s my veteran musician. It's awesome to have him mentor me in a way; for example, I'd never done a headline tour. So I asked Jake for tips. He told me to bring a pillow for the van, because “you're gonna want to lay your head against the window.” And he was so right — I would have never remembered to do that if he hadn’t told me. Same with the manager situation: he was like “You probably shouldn't be crying after you hang up the phone. Every time you speak to your managers, they're supposed to make you feel better, not worse.” So it's great to have his guidance.
CR: Do you feel like not being in New York has been good for you?
Raffaella: Oh my God, totally. I wouldn’t have made any of this music if I was still in New York. It's so heavily inspired by the local musicians like Jake and Nathan, and bands like Why Not, who opened for me on tour. They bring this fresh, skill-based approach to music that's all about honest self-expression, not just following some idea of what music should be. The vibe here, the serenity, and the slower pace can sometimes drive me a bit nuts… I mean, I’m from New York where everything's fast-paced and bustling. Sometimes I miss those random meaningful chats with strangers you only have once. But being here has forced me to sit with my thoughts, to figure out who I am without all the noise. Moving out on my own was a big marker of independence, a signal that I needed to find myself. I wouldn't have been able to do that without this place.
CR: You mentioned you wrote your thesis on reproductive rights. Really curious to hear more about that.
Raffaella: Yeah, that's right. I initially wrote it in French, which was kind of funny since hardly anyone could read it. But I translated and adapted it to focus on Act II. It was really rewarding to weave my academic work into my music and personal experiences. It's funny because initially, I thought my thesis was just some useless example of a liberal arts education. But now, I see its potential to educate and make a difference. I delved into Simone de Beauvoir's work, particularly "The Second Sex," exploring how her theoretical ideas evolved into political activism, like organizing protests and writing manifestos. For instance, there was the Manifesto of the 343 where 343 women publically declared that they'd had abortions, risking criminal charges. It was groundbreaking: Beauvoir's efforts led to changes in policy, like allowing pregnant teens to continue their education. It was fascinating to analyze it through the lens of existentialism, seeing how Beauvoir challenged societal norms and the expectations placed on women. She made a difference, you know?
CR: What are some other cool women that have influenced you?
Raffaella: I have this thing where I'm drawn to intimidating, smart women. All I want is for them to love me, so I end up chasing after them. That's actually why I majored in French. My French teacher, this tiny Belgian woman, was the smartest person I'd ever met, and she had this chic aura about her. I remember once bumping into her at a Brandy Melville, buying the same shirt as a 12-year-old, but she made it look cool. I just wanted to be like her. I also had this acting coach growing up who was a fireball in a princess kind of way. She was like a second mom to me. Even my own mom and older sisters are beautiful, intimidating, and intelligent. I guess I've always been fascinated by women with strong convictions, who love to spar intellectually and have their own opinions, even if they're not popular. My godmother is another example. She's so cool and terrifying, just like Fran Lebowitz.
CR: Incredible. My friend and I have this theory that as a woman, you’re a collection and a mosaic of every woman who has ever inspired you.
Raffaella: THAT IS SO NICE. I love that.
CR: Do you find it easy to be vulnerable as an artist?
Raffaella: Very much so, it’s kind of a problem. I almost wish it were harder to open up. Growing up and doing acting, I was taught that vulnerability is strength, which is a good thing in many ways but can also be tricky. You don't want to exploit vulnerability or use it as a currency. So, I try to keep it precious, not sharing too much about myself even though I'm naturally inclined to be an open book. It's a fine balance because, on one hand, vulnerability can lead to genuine connections, like taking responsibility for mistakes and diffusing conflicts. But on the other hand, it can be risky if personal sharing is misinterpreted. So, I'm cautious about how much I reveal, always aware of the potential consequences.
You don't want to exploit vulnerability or use it as a currency.
CR: How do you take care of your mental health?
Raffaella: I really lean on my friends, especially Samia and Jake, and my bandmates who I tour with. Having these shared experiences and being able to confide in people who truly understand because they've been there — it's everything. Community is huge for me. Performing live, connecting with the crowd, it's like medicine for all the tough times. And I've created some little routines for myself to add structure to my artist's life. Every day, I start with a 10-minute Wim Hof breathing exercise, followed by some embarrassing dance cardio. It gets me sweating and feeling energized. I make time for reading and meditation to keep me grounded amidst the touring chaos.
CR: Is there anything you would tell younger Raffaella to make growing up easier?
Raffaella: Learn how to play the guitar. Don't quit dance. And don't sleep with people you don't want to sleep with.
“Don’t sleep with people you don’t want to sleep with.”
CR: What are you reading and watching lately?
Raffaella: We just watched Grey Gardens. That documentary is something else. There's a movie based on it, but the documentary itself is what I love. There's this strange mix of beauty and sadness, tragedy and upliftment in the story of those two women. The way the documentary captures the beauty amidst decay is just incredibly inspiring. As for books, I would recommend Daughter by Claudia Dey.
Check out Raffaella’s LIVE, RAFF, LOVE (Act II) (Polly Pocket and Rowan are my favorites!!), get the latest updates on RAFF WORLD, and follow her on ig of course.
until next week!
with reticence,
Valerie